Answering The Big Ones

Humans like to compare things. I'm sure there's some kind of complex biological or psychological imperative behind this, but right now I don't really care about that. What I do care about is laying a few things to rest, because when you compare the following things, there's very clearly a winner. So I took each of the following things and typed them into a search bar and sat down to do some research and figure out, once and for all, which one is objectively the best.

Oh, shoot, that was the Apple Music search bar, not my browser. Eh, it's probably basically the same.

Metric vs. Imperial

Metric is an alternative band hailing from Toronto in Canada. They've been around since '98 publishing albums that draw on a wide range of styles from alt rock to pop to electronica. Their music is pretty interesting, and if you like alternative you'll find something to like here.

Imperial doesn't seem to have a bio on Apple Music, but based on context clues I assume that he's a UK hip-hop artist who's been around since 2010 or so. As far as hip-hop goes, it's pretty unremarkable and generic, and I think to fans of the genre this would probably be equivalent to elevator music. Unless... wait, or is Imperial a German metal band from 1998? Um... I think there may be two artists combined here...

In either case, I think that based on novelty alone, Metric is the clear winner here.

Nikon vs. Canon

Nikon also doesn't have a bio on Apple Music. The genre they're listed under is Lounge, which appears to be some kind of new-age soft/synth pop. The music is pretty generic for those genres, which means it'll sound pretty weird if you're not used to it. But it's soothing, if nothing else, and not unpleasant to have on in the background while you work on something else. If you like new-age, you'll probably be okay with this.

Canon is an Atlanta based rapper who's been publishing since 2011. His music is pretty standard hip-hop and rap. As a rapper he's pretty good, but for any pitched section of his music, the auto-tune is pretty extreme. If you like the Black-Eyed Peas, you'll probably be okay with his stuff.

Neither artist is particularly notable in this comparison, but based on the size of the potential audiences who would listen to their music and assuming people waiting in doctor waiting rooms count, I think that Nikon probably just edges Canon out.

Mac vs. PC

This comparison is harder, mainly because when it comes to artist names, the music world is creatively bankrupt or something. But going off of the first artist that shows up in the search, P$C is another American hip-hop artist who is basically just there. There's less auto-tune, though, so that's good.

The first result for Mac isn't the actual artist Mac (there is one), but rather Fleetwood Mac, the London rock group that's been around since like the dawn of time or something. They're pretty prolific, and if you have ever listened to a classic rock radio station, you've probably heard a bunch of their stuff and liked it.

There's really no comparison here. One of these groups left their mark on a generation, the other is drowning in the depths of his own genre. Mac wins.

Shimano vs. Campagnolo

I've been assured that this is totally a comparison people care about, so here goes. Shimano appears to be a DJ with a few mixes floating around out there. They're dance mixes, of course, and, well... they have beats. I wouldn't call them sick beats, necessarily, but if you played one in a club it would blend nicely into the background of a TV show scene.

The first artist that comes up when you search for Campagnolo doesn't even have that word in his name, so I'm going with the second artist from that search, Gianluca Campagnolo. Campagnolo is, weirdly, a clarinet player. Like, just a classical clarinet soloist, which I wasn't even sure was a thing you could do and release solo albums. But sure enough. And there's actually quite a lot of stuff here. And he's actually really rather good. 

Again, this is pretty easy. Talented classical musician versus generic dance beats? Campagnolo wins, especially considering the arrangement of the Mission Impossible theme on his latest album.

So there you go. All laid to rest. You're welcome. The next time you get in an argument over one of these, feel free to reference this unbiased comparison to settle it quickly. Because life is too short to argue over these trivial things.