My 5 Favorite TV Characters

TV is a really great medium. You've got all of this time to build lives and personalities into your characters, and you can create some really interesting people this way. I have a big list of TV shows that I think do this really well. And as a rule, TV shows that do this really well usually have a bunch of characters that are in competition for this list. But as with everything else, Battlestar Galactica makes a point of being weird.

#5 – Karl Agathon (Battlestar Galactica)

Pictured here contemplating the steely-jawed demise of BSG's producers.

Battlestar Galactica (The remake, not the original) is sorta my perfect example for how wrong a great idea can go. The show was four seasons long. The writers ran out of ideas after two. At that point, they looked to other popular shows of the time, and decided the best course of action was to change the personalities of every character to create a space-soap-opera, and then not explain anything in any sort of satisfactory way, ala Lost. The one character who was fantastic before New Caprica and wasn't perverted by the shark jumping was Karl Agathon.

The reason Karl Agathon is awesome is because he's honest, trustworthy, loyal, brave, kind, obedient, thoughtful, and true. Some of you may have seen what I did there. He's a nearly perfect boy-scout, with just enough flaws to be real. He is so dedicated to judging individuals for their own crimes, and not for their species' genocidal tendencies, that the only thing that gets him into trouble is his unwillingness to agree with someone when he knows they're wrong.

Don't think to yourself “Say, he sounds pretty good. Maybe I'll give that show a chance” however, because one good character is no excuse for a range of personalities that run from 'hateful' to 'completely psychotic'. Karl Agathon gets an A for being a genuinely good guy, and the rest of the show fails for trying to emulate JJ Abrams.

#4 – Michael Weston (Burn Notice)

Pictured here with psychotic girlfriend and top 5 runner up Fiona, so I won't look so sexist.

Straight up, Burn Notice is a hilarious show that truly makes me wish the whole spy thing were as big as Hollywood wants it to be. Michael Weston is a former spy who was blacklisted for reasons he is unaware of. He ends up in Miami working odd jobs suited to his unique skill-set while trying to figure out why he was served a burn notice (Title sequence. Did I just sell you or what?).

The reason Mr. Weston gets the coveted fourth spot on this list is because while he may want everyone to think he's only working these jobs for the cash he needs to live and spy on government officers, he's actually doing it because he likes helping people. He doesn't seem to take any jobs that would hurt innocent people, he always ends up fighting for the little guy, and making a killing doing it. Or rather, not making a killing. Like, making tons of money, but trying his best to not kill anybody. Because he's a good guy. No killing.

Now I haven't watched a ton of the show yet, we're still working through it on Netflix, so if this changes later on, DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME! I want to find out if I think the writers were justified in making that change, or if they were just pulling a Battlestar Galactica on me.

#3 – Radar O'Reilly (MASH)

Pictured here looking... uh... can anyone remember if he ever didn't look confused?

Because, of course. Who doesn't love Radar? I mean, seriously. You don't? You in the back, actually dislike Radar? Well, fair enough then. Lynchings all around.

Radar is the best person to appear on TV in the past ever. And I'm including kids shows. I would sooner leave my children with Radar than any babysitter I've seen on any show or in any movie ever, and aside from the fact that he would certainly let them watch TV all night and eat candy for dinner, I wouldn't worry at all. This may reflect on the way babysitters are portrayed in popular entertainment, but the main point is that here is a man in a war zone in charge of supplying the needs for a hospital which is the scene of graphic and disturbing images day after day, and he keeps a teddybear.

Radar is the most wholesome, gentle and caring individual in a camp full of what are subconsciously caring individuals. Even when he tries to be mean, or bad, or whatever because he thinks it will make him fit in better or make him cope with the stress better, he comes out of it unable to really do anything hurtful, because that is just against his nature. Add to this the fact that he's hilarious and you're probably all wondering why he's not at the top of this list.

#2 – Ferb Fletcher (Phineas and Ferb)

Pictured here literally building a roller-coaster. What'd you do today?

For those of you adults who haven't watched Phineas and Ferb on the basis that it's a kids show on the Disney Channel and the Disney Channel sucks, I say to you, good form. Because based on those criteria alone, I would agree that you shouldn't. But now I'm telling you that Disney-ness aside, this show is remarkable. And by remarkable I mean hilarious. And by hilarious I mean no-seriously-you'll-pee-your-pants.

So why Ferb? Ferb is the quiet half of the Phineas and Ferb duo, yet here is all of the mechanical brains, the musical genius, the emotional awareness and perception that exists between the two of them. (Let's just be honest. Phineas is funny, has great ideas, and is the most motivated person ever. Everything else is Ferb.) In addition to this, everything I said about Radar also applies to Ferb, minus the war. He's always there with an encouraging word and a helping hand, ready to turn any sort of wacky shenanigans into a moral for the kiddies.

And all this with what is certainly the largest nose in television. Assuming that not everything in front of Phineas' eyes is nose. It's really quite hard to tell.

#1 – Data (Star Trek: The Next Generation)

Pictured. Here.

Data is number one, and not just because I'm a Trekkie. Data is the genius of Ferb plus the innocence of Radar plus the resourcefulness of Michael Weston plus the moral rigidity of Karl Agathon. Add to that his never-ending quest to become the best being he can possibly be, and long story short, Data is literally everything good I said about everyone else on this list all in one character. Anyone who disagrees can stick it up their food-requiring, oxygen-needing, non-super-powered fleshy nether-bits.

That is all.

So uh... Short last section, I guess. I suppose I'll take this opportunity to list all of the characters that are so completely hateful I would consider killing them on sight. These are the characters I used as a baseline to determine the contents of this list.

The Second Most Hateful Character(s) Ever

Pictured here: A group of people I'd just as soon shoot as watch a show about. Also, Starbuck's a girl.

May I introduce The-Cast-Of-Battlestar-Galactica-Minus-Karl-Agathon! You're all wondering now, I'm sure, why with all the grief I've been giving this show they're number two. Well, the number one most hateful cadre of characters ever is so hateful that I literally cannot speak their names without devolving into a frothing-at-the-mouth rage.

I'm'a just leave this here.