A while ago, I made this meme.
I intended this to call out the ridiculousness associated with the events surrounding Scotty's arrival on the Enterprise in the 2009 blank-white-screen-JJ-Abrams-still-insists-was-a-Star-Trek-movie, and then I predictably spent way too much time thinking about it. For those of you unfamiliar with the film, or who for some reason cannot see the stupidity at evidence in those events, I'll sum it up for you.
Scotty (an engineer of Scottish descent who has been stuck on an ice planet for apparently killing an admiral's dog) goes with Kirk to board the Enterprise using the magic transporter from the future. Once they get there, a whole bunch of plot contrivances happen, and then you have the following exchange.
Chekov "If Mr. Scott can get us to warp factor 4 and..." something about Saturn, and radiation and sensors and blah blah blah blah blah.
Scotty "Ay, that could work!"
Which is ludicrous, because no, it can't. Because Scotty can't do that.
And let's pretend that he wouldn't have to replace the entire back half of the ship to do this. See, even if we assume Scotty could make those speeds by just doing the typical Star Trek "wave a glowing stick at it" engineering shtick, how long would it take to retool the faster than light engines of his interstellar starship to break the maximum speed they were designed for? An hour? A day? Weeks?
Because he agrees to it and then they turn around and just go that fast the very next second. Because magic.
"But no!" you cry out. "Scotty is a highly skilled engineer! He invents the magic transporter! They called him the Miracle Worker in the original series!"
I want you to think about that for a second longer. Is he really a highly skilled engineer? Is that really how he comes off? The reason this error in logic is so obvious is because Scotty doesn't feel like a competent engineer, let alone a miracle worker. He feels like the comic relief. This completely destroys what should be the most defining trait of his character, and do you know why the writers did this?
Because he's got a Scottish accent.
I want you to think back over all the movies you've ever seen that featured somebody who spoke with a Scottish accent and identify one where they weren't the comic relief (Braveheart doesn't count. Everyone's got a Scottish accent). Scotty has had his moments of competence, and that's part of the reason why I like The Wrath of Khan and The Undiscovered Country so much. But then there's stuff like The Final Frontier that completely undoes it. The fact of the matter is that stereotyping this accent is frighteningly common in film. It's just like stereotyping the simple-minded-good-old-boy character as having a southern drawl. And what we're really saying with these stereotypes is that people who speak non-standard English (a contradiction of terms. There is no standard English) are somehow lesser people.
Hollywood has been fighting these stereotypes for years, and every time I think they're finally fixing the problem, a movie like Lense-Flare Trek (and to a lesser extent Into Blinding Brightness) comes along to demonstrate that little, if anything, is being accomplished. C'mon, people. I know a bunch of folks who speak 'proper English' just fine but who are actually colossal goofs once you get to know them. Why aren't we putting their characters into fiction?
Oh right. It's because they don't sound funny. Shame on you for thinking that. You are the reason Scotty spent the entire fifth movie unconscious in a hallway after smacking his head on a beam. It's not funny anymore. It never actually was. It's always been offensive, why is this still happening?
I intended this to call out the ridiculousness associated with the events surrounding Scotty's arrival on the Enterprise in the 2009 blank-white-screen-JJ-Abrams-still-insists-was-a-Star-Trek-movie, and then I predictably spent way too much time thinking about it. For those of you unfamiliar with the film, or who for some reason cannot see the stupidity at evidence in those events, I'll sum it up for you.
Scotty (an engineer of Scottish descent who has been stuck on an ice planet for apparently killing an admiral's dog) goes with Kirk to board the Enterprise using the magic transporter from the future. Once they get there, a whole bunch of plot contrivances happen, and then you have the following exchange.
Chekov "If Mr. Scott can get us to warp factor 4 and..." something about Saturn, and radiation and sensors and blah blah blah blah blah.
Scotty "Ay, that could work!"
Which is ludicrous, because no, it can't. Because Scotty can't do that.
And let's pretend that he wouldn't have to replace the entire back half of the ship to do this. See, even if we assume Scotty could make those speeds by just doing the typical Star Trek "wave a glowing stick at it" engineering shtick, how long would it take to retool the faster than light engines of his interstellar starship to break the maximum speed they were designed for? An hour? A day? Weeks?
Because he agrees to it and then they turn around and just go that fast the very next second. Because magic.
"But no!" you cry out. "Scotty is a highly skilled engineer! He invents the magic transporter! They called him the Miracle Worker in the original series!"
I want you to think about that for a second longer. Is he really a highly skilled engineer? Is that really how he comes off? The reason this error in logic is so obvious is because Scotty doesn't feel like a competent engineer, let alone a miracle worker. He feels like the comic relief. This completely destroys what should be the most defining trait of his character, and do you know why the writers did this?
Because he's got a Scottish accent.
I want you to think back over all the movies you've ever seen that featured somebody who spoke with a Scottish accent and identify one where they weren't the comic relief (Braveheart doesn't count. Everyone's got a Scottish accent). Scotty has had his moments of competence, and that's part of the reason why I like The Wrath of Khan and The Undiscovered Country so much. But then there's stuff like The Final Frontier that completely undoes it. The fact of the matter is that stereotyping this accent is frighteningly common in film. It's just like stereotyping the simple-minded-good-old-boy character as having a southern drawl. And what we're really saying with these stereotypes is that people who speak non-standard English (a contradiction of terms. There is no standard English) are somehow lesser people.
Hollywood has been fighting these stereotypes for years, and every time I think they're finally fixing the problem, a movie like Lense-Flare Trek (and to a lesser extent Into Blinding Brightness) comes along to demonstrate that little, if anything, is being accomplished. C'mon, people. I know a bunch of folks who speak 'proper English' just fine but who are actually colossal goofs once you get to know them. Why aren't we putting their characters into fiction?
Oh right. It's because they don't sound funny. Shame on you for thinking that. You are the reason Scotty spent the entire fifth movie unconscious in a hallway after smacking his head on a beam. It's not funny anymore. It never actually was. It's always been offensive, why is this still happening?
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