Why I Can't Take Michael Giacchino Seriously

A while ago I tweeted the following.

My biggest problem with Michael Giacchino soundtracks: The puns. Oh heavens, the puns. #deathbypun #thevictimwaspunneddown #sopunny

— Caleb Spendlove (@CalebSpendlove) February 5, 2016

 I had just listened to the Tomorrowland soundtrack for approximately the billionth time, and was going through the track list to highlight my favorite songs. There are several. I happen to really like the soundtrack. That can sometimes be a hit-or-miss experience for me with Giacchino scores. I love love love The Incredibles, but got sick of Star Trek really quickly. I was very pleased with the general effect of John Carter, but loathe what happened in Jurassic World.

But I really like Tomorrowland as well, so that's three out of five, which is pretty good. Let's just agree to stop asking him to write soundtracks for movies in a pre-existing franchise, yeah?

Now, back to that track list. I'm going to give you the track names of my five favorite songs from the Tomorrowland soundtrack. Ready?

• A Story About the Future
• End Credits

Okay, so far so good. Pretty standard fare. Let's continue.

• Pins of a Feather

Um... well, that's a little odd, but it's just a rework of a common metaphor. How bad can it really...?

• Pin-Ultimate Experience
• You've Piqued My Pin-trist

Oh. Oh dear.

In addition to those, we get stuff like Boat Wait, There's More!, Home Wheat Home, Sphere and Loathing, and The Hail Athena Pass. That last one is the track played during arguably the most touching moment of the entire film.

And this problem is endemic in Giacchino soundtracks. I just so happen to have three other soundtracks of his on my computer. Let's have a looksy, shall we?

The Incredibles

• Lava in the Afternoon
• Lithe or Death
• 100 Mile Dash
• The Incredits

I don't have a problem with these because they fit very nicely with the overall tone of the movie. 100 Mile Dash is one of my favorite tracks, and the name is just as fun as the actual scene is.

Star Trek

• Nailin' the Kelvin
• Labor of Love
• Enterprising Young Men
• Nice to Meld You
• Does It Still McFly?
• Nero Death Experience
• Nero Fiddles, Narada Burns

To be fair, I'm pretty sure the only reason I know the villain's name was Nero is because of how often his name is used on this soundtrack. But what bugs me most is that the most touching part of the movie, which takes place to the music of Labor of Love, is literally when Kirk's mom is in labor with him. It's deeply moving. The song's name is obvious, cringe-inducing wordplay.

John Carter

• A Thern For The Worse
• Gravity Of The Situation
• Thark Side Of Barsoom
• The Blue Light Special
• Carter They Come, Carter They Fall
• A Thern Warning
• Thernabout

Oh good grief...

One or two puns per soundtrack probably wouldn't bother me. Four on the Incredibles is actually kinda fun. But when your mostly serious sci-fi movie about a civil-war captain displaced to the surface of Mars has a soundtrack that is 50% puns...

I might just rename all of these tracks. It will improve my aural enjoyment.