Huuuuuuhooooooookaaaaaaay... let's talk about Jurassic World then I guess.
Can we talk about Jurassic Park instead? No, I promise I'll review Fallen Kingdom eventually, just... let me talk about something I actually liked first, okay?
The whole Jurassic franchise is still going 100% off the laurels of Jurassic Park. Let's not kid ourselves. The other four movies have been "meh" at best, and straight-up awful at worst. So why was Jurassic Park so good?
Well, lots and lots and lots and lots of reasons, not entirely due to the fact that we sucked at CGI back then but at least partially due to the fact that we sucked at CGI back then. Like, yeah, the dinosaurs in Fallen Kingdom look amazing. But they're actually way, way more terrifying when all we see of them as an audience is brief flashes and the occasional animatronic and extremely toothy head. Jurassic Park had to rely on the sort of pervasive existential dread that permeates the best horror movies, rather than realistic depictions of monsters that all too frequently actually reduce our fear by simply putting a nice round bookend on it.
Not sure why a round bookend. Maybe it's half of a set that make a globe when you put them together?
Another reason Jurassic Park was better. Actual wonder. Remember that moment when Dr. Raptorclaw McStomachslasher and Admiral Holdo first see the dinosaurs? Remember what that felt like? You kids that haven't seen Jurassic Park... go watch it. It's a timeless scene. The CGI is a little dated, sure, but you will still be pretty much floored by the palpable air of wonder in that scene alone. And the whole movie is like that. There are dinosaurs that are terrifying. Jurassic Park makes them terrifying. But there's also the fact that this is a park full of dinosaurs! How flipping cool is that??
Fallen Kingdom tried really, really hard to make us feel like the people on screen were genuinely filled with wonder by these creatures, but that was undercut substantially by how poorly those moments were written, how contrived they seemed when they happened, and how they had to blatantly rewrite one of the characters from the first movie to have the exact opposite attitudes and motivations toward dinosaurs as she did the last time we saw her.
At least they didn't have her running around the jungle in stiletto heels this time.
Part of that wonder in Jurassic Park comes from what I consider to be inarguably one of the greatest blockbuster music scores ever penned. I said inarguably for a reason, Kelly, so you can just zip it. John Williams used music to heighten our sense of wonder (remember the scene I just mentioned? Try watching it without the music and see if that makes a difference). He used music, or the lack thereof, to deepen our sense of dread. He tells stories and builds characters with notes. Michael Giacchino's efforts on the Jurassic World movies, however... look, Mike, just, stop. Get your grubby little mitts off our dinosaur movies, if you please. Go score another Disney or Pixar movie. You do great with those.
Jurassic Park was a landmark film for lots of reasons. Jurassic World isn't a terrible movie in every regard. In some ways, like the special effects and sound design, it's quite good. But pretending that this is a worthy sequel to Spielberg's frankly unparalleled work on Jurassic Park is just insulting, and they really need to just stop trying. The Jurassic World characters are bland, the story familiar and dull at the same time, the writing frequently outright ridiculous, and yet again they managed to make Chris Pratt an uncharismatic bore. We need to stop watching these soulless parodies until they realize they're a terrible idea and just make something original.
So here's my review of Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. It's an uninspired, generic monster movie. If you have never seen Jurassic Park and you go in expecting a monster movie with something just below Kong: Skull Island, Godzilla (2014), or the opening credits of Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 in terms of entertainment value, you probably won't be disappointed.
But please, for the love, go see something else. Don't encourage the studio executives to keep milking this franchise for more money. If nothing else, go watch Ant-man and the Wasp. At least when Marvel releases an endless string of sequels, the movies themselves are actually good.
Can we talk about Jurassic Park instead? No, I promise I'll review Fallen Kingdom eventually, just... let me talk about something I actually liked first, okay?
The whole Jurassic franchise is still going 100% off the laurels of Jurassic Park. Let's not kid ourselves. The other four movies have been "meh" at best, and straight-up awful at worst. So why was Jurassic Park so good?
 |
| This poster sure didn't hurt! Oh, wait, which movie is this article about? Ugh... well, I'm not changing the picture. Deal with it. |
Well, lots and lots and lots and lots of reasons, not entirely due to the fact that we sucked at CGI back then but at least partially due to the fact that we sucked at CGI back then. Like, yeah, the dinosaurs in Fallen Kingdom look amazing. But they're actually way, way more terrifying when all we see of them as an audience is brief flashes and the occasional animatronic and extremely toothy head. Jurassic Park had to rely on the sort of pervasive existential dread that permeates the best horror movies, rather than realistic depictions of monsters that all too frequently actually reduce our fear by simply putting a nice round bookend on it.
Not sure why a round bookend. Maybe it's half of a set that make a globe when you put them together?
Another reason Jurassic Park was better. Actual wonder. Remember that moment when Dr. Raptorclaw McStomachslasher and Admiral Holdo first see the dinosaurs? Remember what that felt like? You kids that haven't seen Jurassic Park... go watch it. It's a timeless scene. The CGI is a little dated, sure, but you will still be pretty much floored by the palpable air of wonder in that scene alone. And the whole movie is like that. There are dinosaurs that are terrifying. Jurassic Park makes them terrifying. But there's also the fact that this is a park full of dinosaurs! How flipping cool is that??
Fallen Kingdom tried really, really hard to make us feel like the people on screen were genuinely filled with wonder by these creatures, but that was undercut substantially by how poorly those moments were written, how contrived they seemed when they happened, and how they had to blatantly rewrite one of the characters from the first movie to have the exact opposite attitudes and motivations toward dinosaurs as she did the last time we saw her.
At least they didn't have her running around the jungle in stiletto heels this time.
Part of that wonder in Jurassic Park comes from what I consider to be inarguably one of the greatest blockbuster music scores ever penned. I said inarguably for a reason, Kelly, so you can just zip it. John Williams used music to heighten our sense of wonder (remember the scene I just mentioned? Try watching it without the music and see if that makes a difference). He used music, or the lack thereof, to deepen our sense of dread. He tells stories and builds characters with notes. Michael Giacchino's efforts on the Jurassic World movies, however... look, Mike, just, stop. Get your grubby little mitts off our dinosaur movies, if you please. Go score another Disney or Pixar movie. You do great with those.
Jurassic Park was a landmark film for lots of reasons. Jurassic World isn't a terrible movie in every regard. In some ways, like the special effects and sound design, it's quite good. But pretending that this is a worthy sequel to Spielberg's frankly unparalleled work on Jurassic Park is just insulting, and they really need to just stop trying. The Jurassic World characters are bland, the story familiar and dull at the same time, the writing frequently outright ridiculous, and yet again they managed to make Chris Pratt an uncharismatic bore. We need to stop watching these soulless parodies until they realize they're a terrible idea and just make something original.
So here's my review of Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. It's an uninspired, generic monster movie. If you have never seen Jurassic Park and you go in expecting a monster movie with something just below Kong: Skull Island, Godzilla (2014), or the opening credits of Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 in terms of entertainment value, you probably won't be disappointed.
But please, for the love, go see something else. Don't encourage the studio executives to keep milking this franchise for more money. If nothing else, go watch Ant-man and the Wasp. At least when Marvel releases an endless string of sequels, the movies themselves are actually good.
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