Rampage

I saw Rampage in theaters, but for some weird reason I never posted a review. Which is... well, maybe not a big deal, considering my best advice is that this is a super great movie to Redbox, but probably not much else beyond that.

Don't get me wrong, I had an absolute blast watching this movie. It is about the purest distillation of a good "summer blockbuster" that you could ask for, focusing on exactly the things that make summer popcorn flicks entertaining and not even bothering with all the other extraneous crap like "character drama" or "relatable conflict". Popcorn flicks rarely if ever actually do anything like that well, and frankly I'd rather watch a movie that doesn't even try than one that tries and fails miserably.


So what are the things that make summer popcorn flicks entertaining? Well, I've got a list! You frequenters may have realized it's been a while since we've had a list with three items on it. So let's knock one out.

Numba one! A charismatic lead. You want a great action movie? Stick someone who's just generally fun to watch at the front. We've seen Will Smith in that role. Jackie Chan is up there sometimes. Even Sly Stallone is endearing in his own roided-out way. Rampage managed to sit Dwayne "The BICEPS On That Guy!" Johnson at the controls of this movie, and that was an excellent choice. His character is basically just "Dwayne Johnson as a prickly-former-military-primetologist", and that's pretty much all we need. The man oozes charisma (in a very figurative sense) and is just generally fun to watch. He's serious when he needs to be, funny when he needs to be, and generally just makes you happy to be watching the story.

Numba two! A really uncomplicated story. All the best popcorn flicks can be summed up in one sentence. Crazy car guy helps some randos overthrow an evil overlord (Mad Max). Civil War era officer magically beams to Mars and has to messiah complex the crap outta everyone (John Carter). Evil corporation creates giant monster and that-guy-you-really-liked-from-that-one-movie has to kill it somehow, preferably with the help of another giant monster (Jurassic World). Keep it simple so your audience can just focus on the constant wave of action-packed photons and sound waves that are assaulting their senses.

In fact, you know what? That last example. That one right there is pretty much the plot of Rampage. With the added bonus of a script that doesn't suck and the nostalgia of being based off one of the best games I played on our old Atari.

Numba three! Effects and action. All the best popcorn action flicks will have eye-popping special effects and lots of opportunities to show them off. The Transformers movies, for all their many, many, maaaaaaaaaany sins, know how to do this one thing really well. And Rampage answered the call admirably. The monsters look terrifying and awesome at the same time. George in particular was animated very, very well. In particular, his facial expressions are just great, and the way they got everything set up for him to interact with Dwayne "The How Are Those Slabs His PECS" Johnson was really well done.

The movie moved nicely from one action set-piece to another via the machinations of the most mustache-twirling villains I have seen on a screen since Snidely Whiplash was literally defining the stereotype, and they were all just a joy to watch. Lots of gratuitous noise and destruction, but also nicely broken up into digestible chunks with light-hearted moments in between to stave off action-fatigue.

Literally all this movie is is a fun action romp. Rent it, get some popcorn and candy, and turn off your brain. It's stupid, it's simple, but it's fun. I enjoyed myself immensely, and I suspect that most people would.

At least once. Probably don't plan on buying this without seeing it first.

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