Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no...
uh...
ahem. Yo. What up? What were we... oh, right. Choice. Like the choice I had to approach this topic seriously or make a stupid joke right at the top. That was a choice.
Or was it more like a calling?
No, sorry. Choice. The choosing of things. I have a few thoughts on the topic, and I'm going to start out by establishing my ethos regarding the subject as a whole. See, I'm a sentient being, and I've been making deliberate choices my entire existence. QED, I'm an expert on it.
Glad we got that out of the way.
Fate (otherwise known as Doctor Strange if you're more into Marvel than DC) is a load of baloney. We are limited by a lot of things in life. Physical ability, mental ability, economic status, social status, the laws of physics, math... lots of limits placed on what we can actually do. But with regards to fate or predestination or anything of that nature... well, there is always a choice. Your upbringing, your genetics, all the other stuff I listed above, they all influence the choices we make and may dictate some of the consequences, but (and here's the crux of the issue) they do not make the choice for us. In order to move on from here, we need to be able to agree on that.
I mean that in terms of moving on with this blog post, of course, but I also mean it in terms of personal development. If you feel like you've hit a wall somewhere inside yourself and you're struggling to move past it, spend some time thinking about whether you agree with what I've said above.
You could also be running up against something totally different. But give it a shot, you never know.
Because here's the thing. All we are, all we have in this limited physical existence, is the ability to choose. Now, don't worry, as with everything else in life that statement is loaded with qualifiers (yay?). Sometimes you make a choice and are then forced to do something other than that choice. Sometimes you make a choice only to find out later that you didn't have all the information you really needed. Sometimes your choice doesn't have the outcome you expect due to external factors you could have never predicted. Sometimes you feel like there's really only one option.
But look at all those. Those things, the things that seem to take your choice from you, are not coming from you. Typically when something like that happens, it's because you made a choice and then some external influence leaned in and acted on you. Those externals can influence the outcomes and dictate the consequences of your choice, but they cannot change your choice.
Say it loud, and say it proud, your choices are yours. They define who you are, and nothing outside of you can change them.
Another caveat. External stuff can and will (and probably should) influence your choices, I get that. But let's run through some of the exceptions I listed above:
uh...
ahem. Yo. What up? What were we... oh, right. Choice. Like the choice I had to approach this topic seriously or make a stupid joke right at the top. That was a choice.
Or was it more like a calling?
 |
| Uh, yes, calling, thank you Google. |
No, sorry. Choice. The choosing of things. I have a few thoughts on the topic, and I'm going to start out by establishing my ethos regarding the subject as a whole. See, I'm a sentient being, and I've been making deliberate choices my entire existence. QED, I'm an expert on it.
Glad we got that out of the way.
Fate (otherwise known as Doctor Strange if you're more into Marvel than DC) is a load of baloney. We are limited by a lot of things in life. Physical ability, mental ability, economic status, social status, the laws of physics, math... lots of limits placed on what we can actually do. But with regards to fate or predestination or anything of that nature... well, there is always a choice. Your upbringing, your genetics, all the other stuff I listed above, they all influence the choices we make and may dictate some of the consequences, but (and here's the crux of the issue) they do not make the choice for us. In order to move on from here, we need to be able to agree on that.
I mean that in terms of moving on with this blog post, of course, but I also mean it in terms of personal development. If you feel like you've hit a wall somewhere inside yourself and you're struggling to move past it, spend some time thinking about whether you agree with what I've said above.
You could also be running up against something totally different. But give it a shot, you never know.
Because here's the thing. All we are, all we have in this limited physical existence, is the ability to choose. Now, don't worry, as with everything else in life that statement is loaded with qualifiers (yay?). Sometimes you make a choice and are then forced to do something other than that choice. Sometimes you make a choice only to find out later that you didn't have all the information you really needed. Sometimes your choice doesn't have the outcome you expect due to external factors you could have never predicted. Sometimes you feel like there's really only one option.
But look at all those. Those things, the things that seem to take your choice from you, are not coming from you. Typically when something like that happens, it's because you made a choice and then some external influence leaned in and acted on you. Those externals can influence the outcomes and dictate the consequences of your choice, but they cannot change your choice.
Say it loud, and say it proud, your choices are yours. They define who you are, and nothing outside of you can change them.
Another caveat. External stuff can and will (and probably should) influence your choices, I get that. But let's run through some of the exceptions I listed above:
- You make a choice and are then forced to do something other than that choice. Here's a terrible example of that; rape (terrible in that it's a terrible thing. It's actually a great example of the concept). You made the choice; no. You were then forced do to the opposite of that choice. Does that change your choice? Despite what some (blatantly idiotic) courts may say, it doesn't. Your choice was no. Do not let that go.
- You make a choice only to have external factors change the desired outcome. You go to a club wearing a short skirt (and a looooooooong... sorry, I'll show myself out). You get hit on by a super creepy guy. You have an extremely sketched out evening. Did you choose to get hit on by a creeper? No, you chose to wear a short skirt (and a... okay, jeez, I'm leaving). Creepo's actions do not change what your choice was. Sorry, two rapey examples in a row wasn't what I was going for here I promise...
- You seem to only have one option. This one is probably the hardest, because it's technically always a lie. Even if it's a good option, and it aligns nicely with every one of the afore-mentioned limitations you have in life, and every other option is literally jumping into the mouth of a volcano, you can totally still jump into the mouth of a volcano. You're not going to, because you're not stupid, but don't pretend like that option isn't there. It's not fair to you, because you do have that power.
Did you see that word there? Power. Because that's what choice is, it's power over yourself. Yes, you have limitations. Yes, you should be aware of them, whether they be social, physical, mental, whatever. Yes, you should use that knowledge to inform your decisions. But do not allow yourself to be told that you don't have a choice. That's the Bond villain talking. "Give us the codes, you have no choice" actually means "give us the codes or we'll feed you to the sharks." It's a lousy choice, but you still have power there. You can choose to get eaten by sharks.
Or take the unspoken choice of heroically breaking free and feeding the Bond villain to his own sharks. Keep in mind not all of your options will be explicitly stated. The guy's a Bond villain, after all.
He really doesn't want you to think you've got options.
Or take the unspoken choice of heroically breaking free and feeding the Bond villain to his own sharks. Keep in mind not all of your options will be explicitly stated. The guy's a Bond villain, after all.
He really doesn't want you to think you've got options.
I have used a lot of words so far to try and make sure you know I understand this issue is not easy. Because believe me, I do understand that. But it's also not as gray as you might think. You are made up of the choices you make, regardless of how the outcomes of those choices worked out. I cannot stress this enough.
You are not the things that have happened to you; you are the choices you've made.
You are not the things that have happened to you; you are the choices you've made.
This viewpoint is one of extreme power and extreme powerlessness. It requires accepting that we are at the helm of our own lives, and we can steer them wherever we want them to go. It also requires accepting that this power sometimes extends no further than the interior of our skulls.
So, what am I recommending here? Learn to recognize the things that influence your choices. Take control of them as much as possible. If you don't like some of them, work on ways to change them. But also accept that none of those things made you who you are. You always had options, and you chose to get to where you are today. Own the choices you've made, and be conscious of how the choices you make from here will shape who you become. Don't try to cast blame. Don't get bogged down in the externals that acted on you. Learn to leave that behind and work on being the person you want to be.
This will be harder for some people than others. If the deck was stacked against you from birth for one reason or another, it'll be particularly difficult. But I honestly think that learning to do this is more important for you than it is for everyone else. Sounds crazy, I know. But here, in our little village of Anatevka, you might say every one of us is a fiddler on the... okay, no, that's fine. You can leave. That's your choice.
An Ote: There is another level at play here that complicates things; sub-conscious choices. Choices where you do have multiple options but you make a decision without any conscious processing. I acknowledge that those are a thing, and that there are some very self-destructive behaviors that fall into this category. Probably the best move there is to seek professional help. Some of that stuff can be worked through or medicated. Like I said, I get that this isn't simple or easy.
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