It’s Less What You’re Not Than What You Are.

I need to issue an apology, writ large, for my complacency. I have done and said racially insensitive things. Thankfully those were the errors of youth and inexperience, but while I have grown beyond them they still bring me shame to recall. I had thought that simply growing beyond those insensitivities meant I was done. I felt I was good, understanding what racism was and not contributing to the discourse of racism. But it’s pretty clear to me now that’s not enough, that it was never enough, and that by remaining silent I allow harm to continue to occur, and by doing so I become unwillingly complicit in that harm.

So I need to apologize for allowing my complacency to cause harm. And I need to apologize for allowing myself to continue in that complacency for so long. And I need to apologize for needing so much unrest and pressure to recognize that I was not, in fact, helping.

I promise to be better. To speak up. To use my unwitting position of authority to speak for those that are treated unfairly. I was scared, I was blind, I was stupid.

I’m sorry. And as I continue to repeat to my kids, sorry means I promise to never do it again. I may still be a little scared. I am probably still a little stupid. But at the very least I am hopefully less blind.

To anyone still standing where I stood, I only have one piece of advice. Be open. Be self-observant. Be self-critical. Understand that growing to be a better person can be painful sometimes, and you may have some guilt or shame to confront as you do. But keep in mind that shame is the sign of internal change, and we need so, so much internal change before we can make real progress on any of this.

This whole situation, the murder of innocent people because they were black, the way entire central aspects of our society, such as criminal justice, are stacked against people just because they are black, is abhorrent. It’s morally reprehensible that this still happens, and I can’t find it in me anywhere to condemn those that are driven to anger by generations of mistreatment and promises of improvement that never led to anything. It seems completely justified as far as I can see.

Black lives matter. Just as much as mine, just as much as yours (statistically speaking you’re probably white if you’re reading this). Maybe you aren’t overtly racist, but this moment in time isn’t asking what you aren’t. It’s asking what you are, and who you’re willing to become. I am willing to become someone who speaks out against injustice, regardless of consequence. I hope you are too.