Have you ever noticed that everyone online is wrong? Like, every forum you go to, all the stuff they post on Facebook, those stupid memes they keep sharing on Instagram. Heck, they manage to be wrong in just 140 characters on Twitter! Do you ever feel like you're the last bastion of sanity in a world full of idiots and jerks? Well, guess what!
You're WRONG! I'm the last bastion of sanity in these crazy crazy interwebs! And I've got five reason why this is the case!
Reason #1: You're Not Me
Let's level. Unless you are my conjoined twin lost at birth (I KNEW you were out there somewhere! We should grab a bite sometime, compare those separation scars), you and I aren't really even close to being the same person. And the fact of the matter, of EVERY matter, is that I am right. I suppose you could be right if you agreed with everything I say. And let's face it, you should.
But you don't. I don't know why. You're just being contrary at this point. And you and I can't BOTH be right. I mean, that flies in the face of wdjcbakst! You know what I mean? And we can't have that.
Reason #2: You Don't Like The Stuff I Do
Which is stupid, because as we've already established, I'm right. I approach everything without bias of any sort. I am the perfect neutral party. That means, of course, that I obviously like the stuff that is objectively the best. So if you like something else, well, you're getting the wool shoehorned into the corporate lies of conspiracy and big/corporate/government/NSA-ism-ed!
Reason #3: You Haven't Experienced The Things I Have
My perfect objectivismness of course allows me to interpret my experiences in life with the utmost clarity. And my experiences, remarkably, are completely representative of all of the experiences with this product/lifestyle/exercise plan/organization/event. I know everything wrong/right with everything. I've experienced it all myself! Hence my rightness.
Reason #4: This Other Dude On The Internet Agrees With Me
And look! Proof positive that I am completely right. There's this blog that agrees 100% with what I'm saying! Can't you see? I mean, this dude on the internet is totally reputable, and an excellent source of unbiased information. If you can't trust him, who can you trust? Certainly not yourself! That would be madness!
And did I mention he says I'm right? Which would make you wrong?
Reason #5: Celebrity Endorsement
And to cap off my bullet-proof argument, I'm going to present this quote from a celebrity!
Can you dare dispute my rightness now? It's indisputable. And yet you dispute. How wrong can you get? Didn't you read my list? I MADE A LIST!!!
You're WRONG! I'm the last bastion of sanity in these crazy crazy interwebs! And I've got five reason why this is the case!
Reason #1: You're Not Me
Let's level. Unless you are my conjoined twin lost at birth (I KNEW you were out there somewhere! We should grab a bite sometime, compare those separation scars), you and I aren't really even close to being the same person. And the fact of the matter, of EVERY matter, is that I am right. I suppose you could be right if you agreed with everything I say. And let's face it, you should.
But you don't. I don't know why. You're just being contrary at this point. And you and I can't BOTH be right. I mean, that flies in the face of wdjcbakst! You know what I mean? And we can't have that.
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| Wdjcbakst! |
Reason #2: You Don't Like The Stuff I Do
Which is stupid, because as we've already established, I'm right. I approach everything without bias of any sort. I am the perfect neutral party. That means, of course, that I obviously like the stuff that is objectively the best. So if you like something else, well, you're getting the wool shoehorned into the corporate lies of conspiracy and big/corporate/government/NSA-ism-ed!
Reason #3: You Haven't Experienced The Things I Have
My perfect objectivismness of course allows me to interpret my experiences in life with the utmost clarity. And my experiences, remarkably, are completely representative of all of the experiences with this product/lifestyle/exercise plan/organization/event. I know everything wrong/right with everything. I've experienced it all myself! Hence my rightness.
Reason #4: This Other Dude On The Internet Agrees With Me
And look! Proof positive that I am completely right. There's this blog that agrees 100% with what I'm saying! Can't you see? I mean, this dude on the internet is totally reputable, and an excellent source of unbiased information. If you can't trust him, who can you trust? Certainly not yourself! That would be madness!
And did I mention he says I'm right? Which would make you wrong?
Reason #5: Celebrity Endorsement
And to cap off my bullet-proof argument, I'm going to present this quote from a celebrity!
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| Why not? |
You're weird.
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