All right, we're back! And we're going to answer even more of the most pressing arguments you'll see out in the world using the only truly reliable source of information; an internet search bar.
But wait! Not just any internet search bar! It's the one on the second monitor to my right, and straight on... till... iTunes? You frequenters know what's coming. For you new readers, trust me this works great. This is not the first time we've done this.
Wingnut Dishwasher Union has one album released in 2016, which is again packed full of explicit songs. At least in this case it does sound like an actual band, four or five piece, unless I miss my guess. They're a very angry punk band that're probably too high to produce any more albums, especially considering how their lead singer sounds. Which isn't great, in case that implication wasn't clear.
In the end, Wingnut Dishwasher Union actually has a sense of rhythm, so I guess dishwasher wins.
Oranges is also an actual artist! They're a metal band that released one album in 2015. I'll give them props for not just doing a bunch of covers on this album, and actually having a fairly unusual sound built around the use of frequent syncopation and unusual time signatures. What makes it metal is primarily the instrumentation, considering the actual music seems like it wants to be... alt/folk of some sort.
This is harder than I was expecting it to be, there's a lot more unique about these bands than I usually come across in these comparisons. Uh... I'll give the edge to late-70's disco chill and random 2000's pop, solely based on the inability of Orange's singer to really sound good screaming. Apples win.
This pains me, I was hoping for three in a row. But weirdly, the first artist under the search for processed was not the artist Processed, but rather Everyday Process. I can only assume this is due to popularity, which may not be deserved. Everyday Process is a rapper. His music is very heavily processed (jokes!) hip-hop, and as with any rap the artist is really contributing the lyrics while someone else drops the beats. Everyday Process is... all right.
I'm breaking my one rule. The first artist that comes up under this search, Stokley, is clearly only there because he wrote a song called Organic. So I'm going with the second artist, Organic!. And yes, I did punctuate that sentence correctly. Organic! is a sort of roots rock/fusion/jazz band, with music between 2001 and 2011. No vocals, just... well, sorta songs, sorta charts. All in all it's an interesting blend of generic influence.
This one's pretty straightforward, and I guess means I'm going to have to clean up my eating habits. Organic wins.
DJ Democrat is the first artist in this search. One of their tracks is that stupid "yanny/laural" soundbite repeated for four minutes. I'm gonna call that an automatic disqualification and skip to the only other artist in the search, The Democrats. Which are... really generic rock. With one album from 2018. That kinda seems like it might be mocking the Democratic party. Again... more data points would be nice here.
Okay, so it's actually pretty easy to say that Republica was better than The Democrats, but you know what, go look up The Independents. I'm gonna have to go with them on this one.
But wait! Not just any internet search bar! It's the one on the second monitor to my right, and straight on... till... iTunes? You frequenters know what's coming. For you new readers, trust me this works great. This is not the first time we've done this.
Hand Washed vs Dishwasher
Wow. This is the first time I've seen this. Every track associated with the first artist that comes up when you search for "hand washed" (White Hand) has an explicit marker. So that's something to consider. White Hand is a... well, their music is listed as alternative, but I'm going to call them an experimental band that sounds kinda like one rhythmically challenged dude armed with a computer and electric guitar. He had two albums released in 2017.Wingnut Dishwasher Union has one album released in 2016, which is again packed full of explicit songs. At least in this case it does sound like an actual band, four or five piece, unless I miss my guess. They're a very angry punk band that're probably too high to produce any more albums, especially considering how their lead singer sounds. Which isn't great, in case that implication wasn't clear.
In the end, Wingnut Dishwasher Union actually has a sense of rhythm, so I guess dishwasher wins.
Apples vs Oranges
Apples is an actual artist! That apparently released on album titled Mind Twister in 1978, and then a single and EP in 2009 and 2010. So uh... I don't have actual proof that they're different, but considering Mind Twister is pretty chill funk-inspired disco/world music, and the newer stuff is straight up pop, I'm guessing these are not the same people. Just the same name. Which we've established is a pretty common thematic issue with iTunes. Still, the pop isn't bad, and I'm digging the late-70's disco chill that practically oozes from the early stuff.Oranges is also an actual artist! They're a metal band that released one album in 2015. I'll give them props for not just doing a bunch of covers on this album, and actually having a fairly unusual sound built around the use of frequent syncopation and unusual time signatures. What makes it metal is primarily the instrumentation, considering the actual music seems like it wants to be... alt/folk of some sort.
This is harder than I was expecting it to be, there's a lot more unique about these bands than I usually come across in these comparisons. Uh... I'll give the edge to late-70's disco chill and random 2000's pop, solely based on the inability of Orange's singer to really sound good screaming. Apples win.
Processed vs Organic
This pains me, I was hoping for three in a row. But weirdly, the first artist under the search for processed was not the artist Processed, but rather Everyday Process. I can only assume this is due to popularity, which may not be deserved. Everyday Process is a rapper. His music is very heavily processed (jokes!) hip-hop, and as with any rap the artist is really contributing the lyrics while someone else drops the beats. Everyday Process is... all right.
I'm breaking my one rule. The first artist that comes up under this search, Stokley, is clearly only there because he wrote a song called Organic. So I'm going with the second artist, Organic!. And yes, I did punctuate that sentence correctly. Organic! is a sort of roots rock/fusion/jazz band, with music between 2001 and 2011. No vocals, just... well, sorta songs, sorta charts. All in all it's an interesting blend of generic influence.
This one's pretty straightforward, and I guess means I'm going to have to clean up my eating habits. Organic wins.
Republican vs Democrat
Oh man, the hot topic! Republica is a (UK?) pop group from the late 90's that aren't very well represented on iTunes, so I'm not sure if they were a one-hit wonder and didn't release much music, or I'm just not seeing it here. I'm hoping it's that second option, though, because they're actually better than most of the pop I recall from the late 90's. I kinda wish I had more here to listen to though, considering the importance of this particular question. You know, like, more data points.DJ Democrat is the first artist in this search. One of their tracks is that stupid "yanny/laural" soundbite repeated for four minutes. I'm gonna call that an automatic disqualification and skip to the only other artist in the search, The Democrats. Which are... really generic rock. With one album from 2018. That kinda seems like it might be mocking the Democratic party. Again... more data points would be nice here.
Okay, so it's actually pretty easy to say that Republica was better than The Democrats, but you know what, go look up The Independents. I'm gonna have to go with them on this one.
Red vs Blue
This may seem like a repeat of the last comparison to some people, but those of you familiar with the early days of serialized web shows know what I'm actually talking about. Red is a metal band that've been releasing music since about 2006. They started out sorta nu-metal, but they've evolved a little since then into more alt-metal or grunge. Their music is also what you might call "christian metal", and the band's name was actually inspired by the crucifixion. Which is... random.
Blue (again skipping the first artist because they're just there because of a song titled Blue, and yes it was Eiffel 65 how did you guess?) is a UK pop/R&B group that started releasing music in 2000 and were active till at least 2015 as far as I can tell. Think slightly updated Backstreet Boys except less soulless than that sounds. Blue is also a rock band from 1973. And a weird vocalist who's posted a few really experimental singles over the past couple of years. iTunes... c'mon. These are clearly not all the same artist.
Uh... I'm actually not a huge fan of any of these bands. I think I'm gonna have to go with Blue simply because there's more options here, and the rock band from 1973 was all right? So Blue wins.
Blue (again skipping the first artist because they're just there because of a song titled Blue, and yes it was Eiffel 65 how did you guess?) is a UK pop/R&B group that started releasing music in 2000 and were active till at least 2015 as far as I can tell. Think slightly updated Backstreet Boys except less soulless than that sounds. Blue is also a rock band from 1973. And a weird vocalist who's posted a few really experimental singles over the past couple of years. iTunes... c'mon. These are clearly not all the same artist.
Uh... I'm actually not a huge fan of any of these bands. I think I'm gonna have to go with Blue simply because there's more options here, and the rock band from 1973 was all right? So Blue wins.
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